LBISD NationalConflictResolutionCenter

Saturday, April 7th


Transcript - Not for consumer use. Robot overlords only. Will not be accurate.

Good morning. Happy Easter and happy passover welcome to another edition of living veteran San Diego a public service presentation. Of Vienna comes San Diego radio station I'm Gary Lee. The national conflict resolution center is a local organization that works with thousands of people to help resolve conflicts peacefully and at all levels of society. They also offer mediation services for the public and divorce mediation for individuals and families. Joining us this morning is national conflict resolution center director of development. Chris Paul Byrd and divorce mediation group program manager Jim Warren welcome Chris welcome Kim. Thank you very nice to see to both. Here again you know straight to be here thanks to overturn it's good to be back after anybody who may have missed the other times that you've been on the show. Or somebody who may not know anything about the national conflict resolution center have a little background information on the organization sure of the national conflict for as. Lucian center is located here in San Diego. Founded in 198335. Years ago. As a mediation center that was through the very beginning you know even the idea mediation. And it has grown dramatically since then based on the idea that we could teach people first how to be mediators. And then it grew from there to say we could teach people all the skills and tools and techniques and strategies. That a mediator has and CRC believes in people and we believe that people have the ability to identify their own needs. And solve their own problems. We've developed many different. Interventions to give them the skills and tools they need. To communicate effectively across a dispute solve their problems themselves. With proper communication skills and strategies. They mentioned you are San Diego based but you are. All around the world aren't you you're right we have provided services are different kinds in twelve countries on five continents. Six cabinet level positions in Washington DC. We are doing most of our work in San Diego in the Southern California region. But we've spread throughout California and the west in colleges and universities. We've done services as Far East is Virginia and Washington DC we recently were providing some services in South America Mexico. We've been in Europe and Asia were all over the place so where are you located here in San Diego the main office is downtown San Diego but we also have several community offices satellite offices were in San Ysidro. City heights southeast San Diego on you put avenue. Were in the small claims court in downtown. Also in Oklahoma. In what is the mission. And CRC yeah the mission is to empower people and transform cultures. By giving people the ability to communicate effectively. Across disputes. To communicate with civility to communicate in a way. That leads to solutions and not rock throwing and I think most people are aware that there's a lot of conflict. In our culture right now. And that's because we've sort of lost all of those. Skills and tools that people used to have and we've developed many different ways of bringing that back in teaching people and how they can use that in all aspects of their lives now the both of you been with 7 national conflict resolution central while damaging. I've been here almost. Three years now here first as a mediator. And then for about the last year and a half as the director of development. And you can't yeah I started out as the paralegal in the divorce mediation program and then I was I'm privileged to be asked to be the program manager which I have been for the past four years almost five years with NCA RC. And divorce mediation group and how has the organizational how has the organization changed over the years since it was founded. And how's it changed since to review of. Come on board re there's a real. Vibrant energy in the organization right now because. We've landed on some of the most innovative and most effective. Uses of our communication skills that we could come up with were on eighteen different university and college campuses. Teaching the art of inclusive communication. So we teach student leaders and administrators and staff. On how will the come together to have a real conversation. Across all of the political disputes all of the social conflict. That arrives on university campus. It's good that they're there we wanna help them talk about it effectively. With inclusive audience ability that program is spreading across the country. We also are very involved in the schools. And in the juvenile justice system. So we have a whole program called avoid in the pipeline to prison which is. Keeping kids in school. Out of juvenile hall because warns stay in juvenile hall. Makes you 40% less likely to graduate from high school. And 40% more likely end up in prison by the age of 25. So we are working with San Diego unified school district to implement restorative practices in all the schools. Rather than suspend in expelling kids let's solve the problem on site keep the kid in school. And we work with all the law enforcement partners in the county when youth gets arrested. They can get referred to Ross for restorative community conference meaning they sit with the victim. And family members and community members from the neighborhood where it happened. And they work it out in person face to face and a circle. And they the youth pastor except for responsibility and develop a plan to make things right and when they complete that plan. All their charges are dismissed. Most importantly they've stayed in school and we've built a community of adults around them that are gonna help them become productive adult. And so we deliver that training to university students. Foster kids homeless people refugees'. Veterans. Corporate government. Or now. Six were conflict arises. And we couldn't help help them with the studies these kids that are being arrested on that you're working with. What kind of like charges that they facing. There are all juveniles so they range in age from twelve to eighteen most of them are about fifteen or sixteen years old as it's turned out. And were focus right now most primarily in city heights in southeast San Diego and the surrounding neighborhoods there. The charges or assault. Burglary and theft. Vandalism. Fights. We take. Felony cases. But not the most severe felonies right now so nonviolent felonies. And in the idea really is to get the youth into this restorative system. Wind and the charge is as small as possible so women youth is just some may be beginning to. Entering into a world that will take him off the tracks. You know it's entering into something that was gonna get him natural changes life sort of they can come to us as early as possible. Before they get seriously involved in anything like gangs. Then we have the best likelihood of keep him on track and restoring them on a path to success. Coming off of at the past before they can before that off there because let's let's have a positive intervention before it gets too serious what we've been noted demonstrate in the last three and a half years. For working with the DA the sheriff to police the Probation Department. The public defender the school police all law enforcement and volatile system where we've demonstrated is that 98%. Of the youth that come through our program. Successfully completed. Mean they've done what they were called to do to restore to repair the harm. They're charges have been dismissed they've stayed in school their record is clear. And we've reduced the recidivism rate by over 50%. Meaning there are 50% less likely to re offend compared to those kids who go through the regular juvenile justice system. That's a huge impact of keeping the kids out of the criminal justice system altogether and the cost savings are dramatic. It costs about 5000. Dollars start to finish two run you through this restorative method. It costs almost a 120000. Dollars for the county to prosecute and incarcerate the same child. So of this program is really catching on in San Diego county and we're developing it with all the law enforcement partners. In a way that it's going to expand throughout the counting. And it and I'm hoping that it expands throughout the country because this is a game changer to keep young people out of prison. And rather in school and on the road to success that will benefit everyone about. Aside from this program. You offer mediation. And dispute resolution services was what's the difference between mediation and dispute resolution. Well dispute resolution can be formal and informal so that can be just a matter of helping people talk to each other more effectively. Mediation provides a skilled mediator. Another person a neutral person into the process to facilitate the conversation. And we have many different forms of mediation at NCA RC that's as I said that's the origin or the organization that's where we've started to do and and we still do. We provide free media nations to community members with the professionally trained mediator. And that can be neighborhood disputes or can be parent team disputes or can be. Somebody complain about the shopkeeper down in the corner. Landlord tenant all kinds of disputes we have free mediation services that are available we provide remediation at the small claims court in downtown San Diego. So any time ago small claims court the judge you'll invite you to go to mediation that's us that's one of our mediators provided a free service there. We also or provide mediation for lawsuits for litigating cases so often lawyers. Higher. They're a skilled mediator through one of our services to help them resolve their. Dispute before it goes to trial. That's all kinds of cases injury business real estate and divorce cases all kinds of litigate cases that would benefit. From coming to mediation rather go to trial. The benefit of mediation for them. Is that the people who retain the decision making power. It's the last chance really where the people involved the people most directly affected. Can control the outcome because once you get to the courtroom and you hand this thing over to a judge surgery somewhere else is gonna decide for you. In mediation. You have the power to make that decision yourself and control what you're willing to do were not willing to do. The mediator just helps facilitate that conversation. So mediated agreements they're not minding. Or no they they certainly are binding so you can reach remediation everybody signs an agreement. And that written agreement is fully enforceable in court and it. When should a person seek mediation. He does so you're talking to a mediator thing. So. The truth is my background is I was thirty years of trial lawyer. And I closed my practice and stopped. Handling lawsuits start suing people. And decided I was gonna help people and their lawsuit through mediation. So I really strongly believe that people would benefit from going through mediation early. Before they get deep into the case before they spent all the money on lawyers and litigation. And rather come together with someone who can help facilitate the conversation who can. Maybe manage the emotions and and help you would get down to talking about what's real. And help you reach should consider an agreement. I think to do it early is the most effective. And certainly to do it before you end up in the courtroom. Because again in the courtroom you lose control somebody else is the. Solution maker now I remember though that other times that you've been on the show form we talked about. Conflict resolution. Probably the biggest thing that I can remember it what I've taken from from our interview before his. Listening listening is the key ingredient to conflict resolution. You know listening is really important and something good we don't often do actually we hear people talking to us often. But usually where we're doing when we're hearing them talking to us were thinking of what we're going to say next which is not listening. That's really strategizing about the comeback. Listening is actually being open to receive and understand what the other person is trying to communicate. And doesn't mean I have to agree with that. But I have to understand it I have to understand the logic of what the other person is saying or the emotion that is within what the other person is saying. And if I can understand it. Then I can begin to deal if it. If I just keep fighting against it then I really am just fighting I'm not working toward resolution. I'm just trying to win the argument. And that's why people argue they're just trying to prove that their rights but when people can slow down take your breath and actually listen to understand. Then surprisingly we can find common ground. And we can find places where we can reach agreement that's what a mediator helps people do. So aside from listening. What other tips he offered then to resolve conflict peacefully you know basic strategy is to listen attentively. Then to respond. Rationally. Right so if you listened and understood the other person's position. Then deliver your position as calmly and rationally objectively as you can and then to be open to actually working together. To seek solution. So that's the method that a mediator would try to draw people through process. To get toward working toward resolution. Now let's talk about. Your divorce mediation group. This is this is your your baby cam the incidence. Tell us about about divorce mediation what what is involved in in this site I got divorced years ago. Went through mediation it was ordered by the court which I understand is quite different then than your media. Definitely divorce mediation the way I explain it to people when they come in for for a consultation which we offer any time someone wants to come in for free consultation. The main difference between divorce mediation and litigating a divorce is that as Chris mentioned you meaning the parties are in control of the outcome. You're not handing over any of the decision making power concerning the division of your assets allocation of your debt. Support or time spent with your children you're not handing that power over two in third individuals such as a judge or in your case scary. Stanley court services who you met with regarding parenting plan for your children. As long as two parties come to the mediation table voluntarily. And they both realize that this is the best way for their family to get through their divorce. Any agreement they reach is completely enforceable by the court it's filed at the end of their matter in the form of a marital settlement agreement it's exactly the same kind of document that's filed in a litigated matter. Nothing about a mediated agreement is any less valid or any less genuine then hey we litigated agreement. So it's basically the idea is you keep the control in the hands of the parties and you're basically asking the judge to wait over there a year on her because we'll get back to you when we're finished with all of our agreements we'll let you know we've come up with. And you'll sign off on it and we never had to involve you in it other than that so that's the idea is keeping the control in the hands of the parties as opposed to the judge and immigrant services. And when does. A party. Contact you for mediation wet what is the best time they can do before or after finally absolutely they can and that's what I tell people also is mediation is like a merry go round you may get off and get back on as offers many times as your life. Litigation and mediation are not mutually exclusive. Most of the people who come to us come to us before they have filed. That just seems to be the time when there are researching their options they find out about mediation I meet with them and they decide to work with us. But that doesn't mean that we don't work with people who have who have already filed. If someone's already filed for their divorce Ali was asking to please bring a copy of their papers that we have a copy firm records. They can start mediation at any time. So people who have not filed yet what do they need to bring to you well they would need to bring themselves and one of the first topics of conversation and that first mediation session would be. Are you ready to file because people aren't always necessarily ready to file at that first session. They may be doing a lot of strategizing before they file that's one of the beauties of mediation. Is set to people who come in and meet with the mediator can discuss things like when should we actually file. Because when a party's divorces entered can impact the way they file their taxes. Can impact the way that one party receives health insurance from the other spouse's employer all of those things can be strategize to the very beginning with the mediators so people don't necessarily file immediately. But the conversation has had at that first session at once they decide to file we can prepare their forms for them and send them down the court for filing. Now you don't always. You don't only deal with with that couples. Seeking divorce right and you'd even work an unmarried couples or well don't you correct we work with an unmarried couples who need to. Come up with some kind of a parenting plan and a child support order to be filed with the court. A lot of our work involves post judgment matters such as. Maybe clients we work with two years ago or coming back to modify their existing agreement. Their circumstances have changed their kids. Preferences of change may be that kids are getting. Too old now to spend every weekend with dad they wanna do something different maybe they're on. They're doing team sports and they need to be at mom's house more off and whatever the situation is they need to modify their agreement we can help them do that we've. Helped the mediate their modification we filed with the court. We also work with. Family conflict that isn't necessarily divorce based. We've had a couple of cases where adult children and there. Their mother have come to mediation where it's dead children are concerned about mothers from. The way she spending her money and they wanna come up with a plan to help her to make sure she's financially secure we've had other families and end. Struggling to mediate some long buried family conflict and that doesn't necessarily mean something's gonna be filed with the court. But it just helps for in situations like that for families meet with the aid. Neutral experienced mediator to help them reach some kind of closure some kind of an agreement as to how they're going to handle their problems from here on out so what are some of the benefits of and CRC and in the divorce mediation well as our as far as the some of the benefits of mediation. Are there it's much more cost effective and litigating or to force with an attorney you are in control of the outcome you're also control the process. You can get through the process much more quickly than you would in family court. Or some people choose to delay it longer than it was taken and the court it's up to the parties involved it's confidential. So anything that said that mediation room stays in the mediation room and it cannot come back to get you in the event you do end up in court. The judge cannot consider as evidence any conversation him during mediation session. So it's completely confidential it's private you're not in public airing your dirty laundry so to speak. In a courtroom you've got the party she got the attorneys you have to judge you have the bailiff you have the clerk you have a court reporter you have other attorneys and their clients. Waiting in the gallery to see the judge you have anyone who's walking down the hallway that day who decide they'd like to come in and listen to your matter. If there's a seat available they can come in and listen. So I was very public it's very you're under the spotlight in a courtroom in mediation it's just you and your spouse in the mediator. If you choose to bring an attorney with you to mediation they are welcome to come but it is not mandatory. And it has not. Mandatory for people to be represented by counsel to take part in mediation most of our clients represent themselves they don't have attorneys. Now you hold workshops yes divorce one along works yet I Barcelona when we're really really proud of our divorce one of one workshop is a free workshop. We hold one Saturday a month this month it's going to be on Saturday April 21 from 9 AM to 1 PM at the National University campus located on light wave avenue. And it's. Freed do you you'll hear an attorney speak and mediators because certified divorce financial analyst. And we also have someone who specializes in helping people with their mortgages qualify for a mortgage in the event of divorce. It's a free workshop we have lots of handouts it's very very informative and I highly recommend. People come to a workshop or if they can't or they would also like to come to consultation. I offer free consultations at the office which are extremely helpful we talk about the divorce process. It's a hands on look at the forms that are filed. What this stuff looks like. What's the first step is second step and how you wrap the whole matter so that's 1 thing I am proud of I think in the way that. Divorce mediation group has changed over the past few years. As were really really emphasizing education. Of the public and we also offer some great MC LE learning experiences for family law attorneys. So education is extremely important to me I feel that the more armed people are with. Information about divorce. The less likely they are to end up in an expensive litigated them what time is the other were shuttled the workshop is from 9 AM to 1 PM and you can register online you go to our website. Go to divorce mediation group the workshop tab. There that I a link you can click to register for the workshop and you have to sign up in advance or can you just show well I I prefer the people sign up in advance only. So I'll be able to contact them in the event. That's location is changed or it's been canceled. We're summaries and or its running late or something without someone's email address I can't contact with that information. All right now you have a yeah a big event coming up this Saturday. Is your annual peacemaker. Award ceremony awards dinner. Yes that's right it's the thirtieth annual peacemaker awards dinner this Saturday on April 7. And we're very excited about thirty years of peacemaking. Well we've been doing for thirty years is recognizing. A local peacemaker. And national peacemaker people who were doing some things. Embodies the qualities that we believe in. The skills and the techniques in the strategies that. That's were promoting. Someone who is doing the work of civility and inclusive city. And so this year we're celebrating the thirtieth anniversary of that dinner we're expected to be the largest inner we've ever held. It looks like we might sell out the room were at the Marriott marquis downtown. And and we're very excited that it might be a full ballroom for a great great celebration. Were given out three. Awards this year three major awards. The first comes from a partnership that we started a year ago. With KP BS we launched the KP BS and CRC community heroes. So throughout the year four times a year or once a quarter. Together. We invite the community to nominate somebody from San Diego. Who is doing something. Creative innovative unsung. Around. A hot topic timely issue. So we have for. Community heroes that will be honored as this and you peacemakers. At the dinner this Saturday. And they or Elizabeth boost toes on the subject to racial justice and equity. Elizabeth booster dose is doing amazing health care work. Around. African Americans and Latinos. Well are really responding to the lack of quality health care and injustices. That a rise in health care for minorities especially in poor and underserved neighborhoods. Elizabeth Lopez. Who's being honored for her work and immigration she. Is an amazing lawyer who represents. Asylum seekers who are mostly traveling from Africa to America and they get here in the first thing happens is they locked up and in detention. And Elizabeth Lopez has devoted herself to represented in these asylum seekers. And Wilson who's doing amazing work on affordable housing. And Diane tech oriented. Who's being honored for her work on environmental justice and sustainability. So will honor these four extraordinary local women with the San Diego peacemaker award. We're gonna also give a philanthropy and peacemaking and award to Peter Seidler and ensure. Peter side learned one of the owners of the Padres Dan Shea. Well known restaurant tour and businessmen here in San Diego there them driving force behind the three new. Huge industrial tense that's providing temporary shelter for homeless people in San Diego. Were specifically recognizing them for the creative work they did in bringing people together to seek a solution. They would be the first to say we don't know if this is the whole solution. But we're taking action we're doing something. And were honoring them for bringing together business and government and nonprofits and all the stakeholders. To do something make progress get something done and that's that's peacemaking and action. And our national or is going to a group from Washington DC. Called no labels. No labels is founded on the premise. That if we can encourage our politicians. To let go of there. Identity. As a die hard Republican or die hard Democrat. But rather focus on issues not parties and if we could encourage them to adjust to get to work on the issues. There we could get things done in Washington. The effective no labels work is that there are 48 people men and women in congress equally split Republican and Democrat. That formed the problem solvers caucus. And another people hear that term you're gonna recognize that the problem solvers caucus. Is involved in all the legislation that is actually getting past. And the problem solvers carcass. Has decided we're gonna come together. And get work done. To move this thing along for the benefit of the people. We're super excited that coming on behalf of no labels. To receive their award is one of their co founders Lisa borders. Lisa borders is presently. The president of the WNBA. She used to be. An executive I Coca-Cola. She was the president of the Atlanta City Council. She's an extremely dynamic. And vibrant and effective woman and she'll be the keynote speaker at the dinner speaking about we can get things done even. In the most contentious environment of Washington DC says going to be very exciting. We got just a couple of minutes left what what is the time for this. The peacemaker dinner there registration and cocktails begin at 530 that goes 530 to seven. Dinner at seven and will be out of there for sure by nine. So 530 tonight nuclear great celebration we're expecting about. 700 people this year so looking like it's going to be a sell out so people wanna go get your table now though you can go to the website wages and CRC online dot com. And CRC online dot com you'll see right on the first page there's a place to click on peacemaker awards. I would not hesitate because if you wanna come now's the time to get a second. At times running out time has run out and end cam information at your website regarding Euro workshop should force one long workshops yes go to the NC RC online website and click on the divorce mediation group tab and then click on the workshops tab. And there's information on how to contact me for a consultation. Enter register for the divorce when a when workshops you can register we have them once a month and the registration is available for the whole year so if you can't come this month. You can register for any other month for the rest of the year. Okay and and are you guys on a social media we are on social media were on FaceBook national conflict resolution center. Were on Twitter. And CRC online. And Warren in mr. Graham and CRC online. Is great stuff going on and on FaceBook on our FaceBook page are really of people enjoy that. And you can sign up for a mindset Monday's email there give zero little practical tips every Monday morning to get your week started. So nice I like that. Crescent camp. Always a pleasure seeing you haven't both he on the show thank you thank you so much earlier Easter to you and your listeners the same view as thanks for all to do with Thea national conflict resolution center you're very welcome. That concludes another addition of living veterans San Diego the opinions expressed on living better San Diego do not necessarily reflect the opinions and views of the staff and management. On the intercom San Diego radio stations episodes of living veteran San Diego are available on the station's web site. Join me next week when my guest will be from the Al beyond soccer club. Local club that recently kicked off their third professional season with a dedication to winning and a focus on philanthropy. Until Beth I'm Garry lake.